February 4, 2004
Exumas

From Johannes: Journey back home - Stuttgart

Very strange it was, indeed, to be on this other boat "St. Jude", so different than the Afterblue. I still couldn´t believe what just had happened. After celebrating a heartbreaking good-bye with Maciek, I had dingy to Afterblue picking up my little belongings. I kissed her a last time, thankful for what she had done. Then boarding a complete foreign vessel I had never seen before. As I freed the ropes, the Warderick Wells disappeared in the distance leaving behind a good, and, already missed friend, one of the most courageous and brave man I´d come to know. I climbed up the mast ladder overviewing the sea giving me time to think, to feel, to cry. We had been together five months, over 4000 nautical miles, adventures and friends shared. I regretted my decision and the same time I knew it had been necessary. I was getting so homesick, missing my family and friends. It had been so long, too long. Also, I have to admit, the hardships on our little boat were getting too much. I often found myself angry, restless, the flesh of my nerves revealed to the bones. Walking on the Island I didn´t know what I should be more unhappy about: the marvelous beaches and palm trees or the sparkling blue water. "Maybe, I´m just not made to do all this", I thought by myself, so aware of what I could and what I couldn´t do. It took me 2 sleepless nights and weary days to come to a conclusion. I just felt that I should go back. And as an answer to my prayers God had sent Mike, from New Zealand, to take me back. A new world: The luxurious autopilot, 38 feet space, kitchen, strong diesel engine. Back in Nassau in only 2 days. On such a boat, I assume that Maciek and me would have never had any troubles, be it natural or emotional. In Nassau a shock. The embassy wouldn´t allow me back to Florida on a Sailboat, the way I hoped to travel."you could be regarded as a terrorist" -their reasoning. Every flight I saw had been over 1500 dollars. Great! no money and a broken heart. Energetic Mike helped me to organize, a lot, and with the help of several friendly natives I found a travel agency open on Saturdays, and, in there, an invitation for a sleeping place and also, my wonderful affordable flight straight back to my home. Not seeing again friends in Florida, neither in Toronto. But still, relief, my prayers were answered. I roamed Nassau a last time, then, Mike dropped me off at the Bahamian Defense Force dock. We had gotten friends. Mike you are a great man!!! Ghetto Bus, Taxi to Airport. After a 30 h marathon of flying and terrifying myself with thinking about my personal future, I finally approached home. Under the wings of the airplane I saw the lights of my city glowing with welcome by night. Circling while landing, I felt like an eagle flying to its nest. A train brought me back into the arms of my family awaiting me with candles and love. What a contrast it is. As if I would wake up out of a long dream. After almost a year of being away I find my country with signs of change. Or is it me who changed so much during this time in Canada and all along the East Coast and Bahamas meeting all this awesome people and their land and sea.

Is it the wind or us who change direction?

It was a great time. Awesome. A time of seeing and feeling, experiencing. A time of highest joy and great desperation. The beauty of the sea and the ugliness of my unrenewed being. Striking and stunning revelations from God in hours of loneliness. Change to my heart and its emotions. This journey sealed me with a special seal, forever. Faithfully, I will keep the beauty and love of sea and people in my heart; also my weakness and failures, for they make me aware of grace, to learn the lesson of life. Behold, I am proud of the scars on my pride. For I had went out as a boy, and I came back as a man. May this story be a witness of how God held me like a father through all this time, giving me a smile, the smile of the kings´ son.

I wish you godspeed

Johannes

(J)