December 23, 2003
Atlantic Ocean

The Night.

Glorious feeling filled my heart when I directed the bow of the boat towards the Ocean, wind on my face and feeling of a bare wood of the tiller in my hand, heading for open waters. The night setting in added to the excitement and mystery of the sea, animating the waters even further. Ocean has its presence. It could be a gracious host showing you around its domain or it can be an angry and outraged at your trespassing of well defined boundaries of the land.

Following is an account of somewhat uneasy acquaintance with Mr. Ocean. We were barely tolerated, the boat bearing the pounding of the enraged waters. Our journey was taking us into the Gulf Stream currents opposed by Northeaster creating mounting square shaped swells that we couldn't see anymore but its effect clearly evident to us and our little 25 foot sloop.

We were tacking upwind rocking up and down the swells. Very soon two very motivated, psyched for the journey sailors became strangely quiet, rocking along. Motion of the boat was bringing back familiar yet so unwelcome numbness to our bodies creeping around disturbing our physiological homeostasis. Two very motivated sailors soon became two very sick bodies dodging sporadic freighter and cruise ship on their course.

As a captain I almost felt a sense of duty to lead the way. With a port side upchuck I broke uncomfortable silence. Did I have any carrots?! Oh yes, I did, before we raised the anchor I snacked on one, I recalled. Johannes was still unmoved. In his eye I saw he was uneasy, contemplating his options. His hesitance partially due to the fact that he had lot more to give up having a massive dinner just before the departure. He just wasn't ready to let go. Feeling already bonded, unwilling to part his ways with the food. I sensed he was growing angry with the seas demanding of him so much and so soon. Such a personal an offering. Stubbornness was evident on his countenance. I readily extended a helpful hand. I spasm out another portside hive with a great abandonment. Legs kicking out, hands gripping mainsail sheets and rest of the body hanging out of control, stiff in the cockpit. Nothing held back. I was driving it on empty now, pretty dry feeling I may say. I couldn't immediately tell if it had a desired impact upon my German friend since I was completely unable to move concentrating what was left of my energy on staying in the boat. But I was confident in the advantages of leading by my own example. Besides I did all I could now. With this sense of duty fulfilled I felt immediately better. Enough so that I could relieve Johannes at the helm allowing him for some moment for reflection. I know he'll come through. He just needs some time to come to a peace with it. I had confidence in him and the magical night enveloping us at sea. The night was indeed beautiful. Stars were bright as they could, peace and solitude, perfect circumstances for a heartfelt reflection.

I saw a slow change in his attitude. His body language was more positive, almost relaxed. Anger and resistance washed away by howling winds. Stars were bright as they could be sparkling with joy and delight. Trillions of shinning witnesses of someone so special to them coming to a sense of peace. This son was lost bun now he's found. Warmth of the night enveloped him in her arms. In welcoming motion the sea was agreeing, welcoming him to come along. Johannes was humbled by this affection, shyly bowing his head towards the waters. It wasn't a great display of emotionalism, none of that. Just a small bow to the side, a gentle bend of his back.

Right from the bottom of his heart, traveling upwards to the shining stars, spilling through his lips it came at last. A humble beginning, yet a great step of reconciliation. It was just a handful, but he come around at that counted the most. The waters received his offering kindly. Welcoming him back to its fold for he was resistant at first but now part of the family. The experience gave Johannes unexpected desire to express himself even more. Hesitance gave way to boldness. He's going all the way! Nothing would hold him back anymore. He found his freedom at least. Drunk with the excitement, for why to hold on to such an earthly thing like a dinner, what's more passing and less lasting than a meal? Now he knew he can do it. Conviction painted on his face. "If you love something so much - set them free!" he almost exclaimed. Besides who said food was not meant to fly? He'll show the world! The passion of his new found conviction sparkling in his eye, or was that reflection of the stars high above he was so mesmerized by right now. He knew the moment when it came. Stars blinked for a moment, and for a moment time held still. Johannes gave it all. He was free. He found a new meaning, new zeal, new passion. He sat back after a moment. And in the next one everything went away. The experience was gone, nothing but a memory. Even stars lost it's shine, wind so impersonal now was howling in the shrouds, sea as distant as ever rolling up and down, up and down....

(M)